“I show you a still more excellent way.” -I Corinthians 12:30
This is where it all comes back to. Throughout my Christian life, I have found that wherever I see sin in my actions, the real issue is in the heart. It is no different with the tongue. What you say, how you say it, why you say it, and when you say it, all come from within. Consider these words of our Lord:
“The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.” -Matthew 12:35
Please hear me. If you find difficulty in controlling your tongue, you must evaluate the state of your heart. It is much easier to hear tips on positive thinking or psychological tools to help you control your tongue than to open your heart to the searching eye of the Holy Spirit. However, Jesus said that the issue with the tongue is not in your mouth, but in your heart. Your words are like the fruit of the heart.
In the corresponding passage from the gospel of Mark, Jesus prefaces this statement by saying that a tree is known by its fruit. “Men do not gather figs from thorns,” He says. “Nor do they gather grapes from a briar bush.” If you were walking down the street and saw apples growing on a tree, you would know that you were looking at an apple tree. If you wanted pears, you would have to find a pear tree. In the same way, when our words are like barbs, it indicates that there is still some area of our heart that is not submitted to God. You can trim a weed today, but tomorrow it will still be a weed.
I say all this because I am headed toward a goal: Godly speech. However, I have one very important roadblock that must be dealt with before we can get there. This issue is not an external issue. It is internal. It is a question of motive. It is an issue of the heart, the will, the entire life. All other effort is meaningless if you do not first answer one question.
Does your heart belong to God right now? By that I mean, have you surrendered everything you are to Him, to serve Him and His purposes, and to please Him? Have you given up your self in exchange for His life in you?
“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ” – Ephesians 4:15
This is it; this is the capstone of controlling the tongue: speaking the Truth in Love. If you have been reading up to this point saying to yourself, “that’s great, but how do I do it?” this is your answer. You must give yourself to genuine, biblical Love. Love is the “more excellent way.” Love is the most excellent way! You will have to open up your heart and let God take control so that when it overflows, what comes out is “good treasure.” Love is not a product of any human activity; it flows from God to God. “We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).”
This is the key to the Kingdom, right here:
One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, ”Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” -Matthew 22:35-40
Paul said that without Love, all other effort is meaningless (1 Corinthians 13). You may have a scripture for everything and have a heart for nothing. I applaud your familiarity with Truth, but it is not in you. All the words may be right, but you may never progress past the point of lip service. The whole of the law and the prophets rest upon Love. So, too, must your speech.
To speak the Truth in Love, we must first love God.
“God is love (1 John 4:8).” There is a great deception out there about the meaning of love. People “love” sports. They “love” to hate. They fall in and out of “love.” They “love” with every passing fancy, and they forget just as easily. “Love” is an excuse for sins of passion. “Love” experts give “love” advice in every gossip magazine. It is no surprise that we do not know what genuine Love is.
Genuine Love is the outflow of the heart of God. When we love with a genuine Biblical Love, it is by receiving that Love and allowing it to shape us into the likeness of Christ. It is therefore imperative that we submit ourselves to God and His Love.
Jesus said “If you love me, you will keep my commands (John 14:15).” Compromise is the language of the devil to draw you away from genuine Love for a counterfeit. Do not think that any inclination of passion you have which draws you or another away from a Biblical standard is “love.” True Love points us ever heavenward, and when we love others we will point them the same. True Love always upholds, affirms, and celebrates God’s Truth as revealed in the Bible. It is an absolute tragedy that Love has been replaced by such an empty, uncommitted, self-seeking counterfeit these days. True Love starts with God. It grows in direct proportion to our relationship with Him.
That is why I ask you where your heart is. How can you govern your speech if your heart is given to that which will defile it? There is simply no way. You must surrender to God, who is Love.
To Speak the Truth in Love, we must love others.
I am struck reading the Gospel of Mark by the ministry of Jesus. Seeing the five thousand in chapter six, he “felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd, and He began to teach them many things (v34).” In chapter eight again He says “I feel compassion for the people because they have remained with Me now three days and have nothing to eat,” and performs the miracle of the seven loaves to meet the need. In chapter ten, He is approached by a rich young man seeking eternal life. “Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him ‘One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me (v21).’”
All true ministry flows from the heart of God. What do you want to do for Him? If you would purpose to win souls, your first step should be to allow God to break your heart for them. If you want to teach, you must allow Him to move your heart for your audience. Do you seek to counsel? Without the Love of God you will be like a clanging cymbal in the ears of your hearers. People often know when someone doesn’t really care for them. You may know everything about their situation and have exactly the right answer, but it will fall on deaf ears if they do not think you are for them.
Thus, our words depend greatly upon our hearts. There is no way to control the tongue without dealing with the heart. If you seek to be a “perfect man (James 3),” if you seek to be “mature (Ephesians 4:15),” if you seek to be saved by your confession (Romans 10:10), you must allow God to take your heart.
That is way.